Super Bowl Commercials Super Blow

Now as everyone should be doing around this time of the year like myself, I was tuned in the first Sunday in February to watch the Super Bowl. It is an American tradition for almost 50 years now! That’s what those Roman Numerals means right? I along with millions of people believe it should be coined a national holiday, “Super Bowl Sunday”. I mean, up here (points to brain) it is, but not officially. Hell, the Monday that immediately follows it should be a day off, “Super Bowl Hangover Monday”…..okay, that one kinda drags on, but you get the idea. We’ll work on a different name at some point.

As it happens every year this event comes out, it was the most watched television broadcast in U.S. history. And why not? People tune in hoping for the greatest game on the gridiron. The un-biased football fans and the self-centered media could not have asked for a better 2-week period leading up to the game itself. Patriots/Belichick/Brady/DeflateGate + Seahawks/Sherman/LegionofBoom/TrashTalking = Boners for life and ratings through the roof! I had one roommate even show me a very faux Twitter page a day or two ago showing the page tweeted out the first week of September (the first week of the NFL season) that the New England Patriots would square off against the Seattle Seahawks, because the NFL is rigged and it is what the media would want……okay, whatever. So it might be. Everyone has an opinion.

Back to the day in itself. Some people aren’t exactly football enthusiasts. The Super Bowl has grown  a very strong tradition over the years of showcasing new releases of commercials, typically of the humorous variety, for big brand name companies. Look, I personally feel such companies do not need to continue to throw themselves out there and shoot themselves in the foot sometimes with commercials because they are already so successful and so well-known. But if it is for humor purposes, sign me up. The Super Bowl commercials are excellent ways to show movie trailers too, movies that are being released at some point that year. Sounds good right…….right?………..RIGHT???

Before I continue, here is a picture of my general reaction and opinion to Super Bowl XLIX’s commercials:

facepalm

Holy. Shit. People. Might have been your worst showing of commercials I have ever seen. In my 14-15 years of watching a Super Bowl, watching the commercials, ENJOYING said commercials, you went and disappointed me. Like, you’re damn lucky it is a football game first and commercial entertainment second for most people, or else this would be a completely dumpster fire, as one of my role models Seth MacFarlane would put it. You didn’t just drop the ball, you took it, wrote “Fuck you all, humor is bad” on it, and threw it at your people. Yeah, because that will definitely get us interested in your companies. One commercial, McDonald’s is telling me I can get a free meal by letting them guilt bomb me into doing something corny and cheesy (Not that I’m opposed, I’m just saying)? The next I’m being told Nationwide is on my side when a close relative, possibly my future son, is upstairs OD’ing in his room? And I think every 3rd or 4th commercial shown, I felt inclined to call my dad and tell him I love him and tell him have a wonderful Father’s Day. That reminds me. I gotta get him something…..oh wait, not yet I don’t. It’s fucking February! The fuck is wrong with you people?

This is America? We like stupid, witty, smartass, classic humor. You gave that to us for years for this glorious event. This one day in the 365-day calendar, and now you’re taking it away. Don’t you ever go that safe route again. I would not be surprised if the Super Bowl starts losing viewing numbers and ratings because of those commercials. Like I said, there’s people who watch the big game strictly for the entertaining 15- or 30-second, sometime minute-long commercial, and that is fine. It adds to the enjoyment. I’m a huge football fan just like a lot of this country and I too enjoy the commercials….err, well, I did. They’re in the doghouse for now.

I hate commercials nowadays. I hate them so much. They are not funny anymore, big name companies make worse and worse commercials to get their points across. We know McDonald’s is the most popular fast food joint. We know Nationwide will help you in life situations. Don’t shove it down our throats, take it away from our REAL entertainment, and don’t milk things completely dry. You want to be successful in the commercial business? What do the following have in common: Game of War, AT&T, Hot Pockets, and Wendy’s have in common? They all have a pretty-faced and completely irrelevent spokeswoman for their commercials. And you can only milk those kind for so long. I like the AT&T girl, I’m sick of the fake Wendy’s redhead now, who the hell doesn’t love Kate Upton, and as corny as shit as it is, the Hot Pockets girl is pretty good lookin’ too. I’m not condoning these companies to use women to further ratings by the way.

Very very rarely do you see good commercials over and over again. Also very rarely do you see variability in the commercials. I think the commercial business or whatever the hell that is called is going down the tubes and is just desperate. Or I just hate them.

Here are some pictures of my general reactions towards some of the majorly disappointing Super Bowl XLIX commercials from Sunday:

Kermit

Snuggle Bear

Family-Guy

How About No

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